


I don't need a babysitter

by artificialmelody



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Babysitter AU, F/F, High School AU, Lesbian AU, Pining, farraja, tiny craquaria and blair x yuhua too, tiny shalaska part, tw homophobia, tw underage drinking, tw underage smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 04:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16737382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmelody/pseuds/artificialmelody
Summary: When Farrah's mom doesn't trust her enough, and gets her and her youngest sister a babysitter, her world seems to get upside down. What Farrah doesn't know, is that her world was already like that: fake friends, plastic life...She felt empty. When Aja arrives, she sees on them an opportunity of getting something real for the first time on her life. But it's hard to have something real, when everything's so fake.





	1. I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink. But now I’m insecure and I care what people think

_’Mom, I don’t need a babysitter!’’ Farrah babbled on, crossing her arms and whining more in each word she said._

_Farrah’s mother just rolled her eyes in the face of her daughter’s unnecessary drama, and Farrah sighed at her mom not taking her seriously._

_‘’Well, sweetie, your sister needs one! And as we see, you don’t seem very mature, so the babysitter must take care of you too!’’_

_‘’But I always take care of Blair, and I’m sixteen!’’ she whined. ‘’I can take care of myself and of my sister.’’_

_‘’Last time I left you alone with Blair you almost set our house on fire,’’ her mom sighed, ‘’and, Farrah, it’s okay to have a babysitter at age sixteen, at least I think so!’’_

Farrah reviewed the conversation with her mother over and over in her head, trying to find anything good about the situation she was in.

Of course, that wasn’t the end of the world, but having a babysitter when you’re sixteen must have been a nightmare, mainly when you were Farrah.

She didn’t have many friends, just her best friend Kimora, and Kimora was close to Violet and Valentina - cool and popular kids - so Farrah really had to keep up appearances if she wanted friends - at least.

Having a babysitter? That would kill her one ounce of social life.

Why? Literally, that just couldn’t be Blair’s babysitter? Why did everybody think she was incapable of taking care of herself? Most of the time she acted like that, but fuck, people should’ve at least given her a chance? Right?

_‘’You’ve had a lot of chances, sweetie, listen to me!’’_

_‘’Mom! But I could be quiet and they could take care just of Blair at least!’’_

_‘’It’s safer for you! And the person we are thinking of hiring is very cool, can you believe they accepted to take care of you without no additional cost?’’ She smiled tenderly, trying to calm down the whiny blonde._

_‘’But that doesn’t make sense!’’_

_‘’Honey, they’re from your school! I forgot their name, Jesus, but I know they’re a good person! Anyways, they’re arriving here today, Blair is going to a sleepover with her friends, so, they’re actually saving you, young lady!’’_

The blonde sighed and took a sip of her iced tea while she faced the ceiling, distraught. _‘’My mom is freaking out, so as I am too,”_  she thought.

‘’Hey, world, I’m Farrah, I’m sixteen, and I may have a babysitter now; this is so stupid!’’ she screamed, thinking out loud, hoping her mother listened to that and hoping she would go back on her decision.

But then a tiny and pretty Chinese girl opened the door, laughing about her and screaming: ‘’GIRL, THIS IS REALLY STUPID - YOU’RE MISERABLE!’’

Farrah sighed, looking at Yuhua Hamasaki, one of Blair’s best friends. Jesus, that girl really needed a babysitter, or even a care home.

Then, another girl Farrah had briefly seen with Blair arrived there holding the hand of a girl she had never seen in her life, running, they were both blonde, but the girl she already knew was a tall blonde with light blue eyes, and the stranger was also blonde, but had dark-brown eyes and was pretty short. Blair was coming just after then, breathless.

‘’Yuhua! Shit, fuck,’’ the tallest blonde yelled.

‘’That mouth, Aqua! We’re in front of Blair’s sister,’’ the short blonde said, looking at her very intensely.

Aquaria, of course, shit, that thirteen-year-old girl was more fashionable than Farrah ever tried to be, and shit, she was cool.

‘’Oh hey, Farrah!’’ Aquaria smiled in a way that her eyes were almost disappearing. ‘’Bri, don’t be so stupid; she’s cool as fuck, I’m sure she doesn’t care, baby’’

Farrah blushed and nodded. ‘’So, what’s happening?’’

‘’This little crazy here is drunk!’’ Blair announced finally while Aquaria and the girl she called ‘’Bri’’ were trying to make Yuhua quiet.

‘’How?!’’

‘’Oh, we stole mom’s vodka, I’m sorry!’’ her youngest sister finally said very guiltily.

‘’ _Blair_ _!_  Okay, it’s true, but don’t be mad at us.’’

‘’YOU WHAT?’’ Farrah freaked out, of course, Blair was a cool kid with friends, but shit, stealing their mother’s vodka, even she wouldn’t do that. ‘’Jesus, where’s that damn babysitter? I can’t believe I’m saying that!’’

‘’They’re in your anus, you dummy!’’ Yuhua yelled, falling from Aquaria’s arms, making both of them fall on the floor.

‘’Aqua! Are you okay?’’ Bri asked, looking concerned. ‘’Do you want ice or something?’’

‘’I’m okay, you’re so sweet, Brianna! Thanks, girl.’’

‘’You’re welcome, I’m here for you!’’ She grabbed Aquaria’s hand.

‘’Y’all don’t care about me! I fell first!’’ Yuhua complained, getting up ‘’Oh my fucking God, you two, get a fucking room!’’

Farrah didn’t understand that, but she got Blair’s new friend’s name. _‘’See, I’d be a greatly responsible teenager if my mom could see it,’’_  she thought, looking at the pre-teens and feeling nostalgic, except that she used to get stuck watching stupid high school movies with Kimora all day.

She was interrupted from her thoughts when she heard the sweet sound of the doorbell, it would probably be the babysitter.

Running to the door, leaving the four children there with no explanation, Farrah felt strangely happy that the babysitter had arrived since she wouldn’t have to take the chaos that was Blair’s friends.

But, Kimora Blac, in all her glory - and bleached hair - waved with the two Vs, and a crate of vodka: ‘’Hello, bitch, let’s party!’’

She just got in her house without permission, but Farrah wouldn’t complain.

‘’You have a lovely house, darling!’’ Valentina commented with her classic, model smile, knowing Valentina was fake, but Farrah didn’t care.

‘’Shut up, fake bitch, anyways, feel lucky we’re here with you and not with the hot guys at the club, Kimora said you got drama happening,’’ said Violet.

Stupid Kimora and her big mouth.

‘’Ugh, guys, I think my stupid mom hired a babysitter for Blair and she thinks they should take care of me…’’

Violet laughed to death, while Valentina was trying not to, and Kimora was actually losing her shit.

‘’Okay, it’s serious?’’ Violet cleaned up her tears.

‘’Yeah, I guess. Sorry for ruining the night!’’

‘’No, darling, let’s make this idiot’s life hell!’’ Kimora exclaimed, which was rare, because since she started to hang out with the two Vs, she actually never got on Farrah’s side. ‘’It’ll be fun, like, and plus the club line is long as hell’’

‘’I’m okay with that, I’m sure Farrah is lovely company.’’ Valentina smiled.

Jesus, Farrah knew that girl was gross and fake, but she had to love her anyways; these were the only ‘’friends’’ she would ever have, and to be honest, having friends that are popular? A gift for Farrah, even if she was treated like a doormat.

‘’Do you know who your babysitter is?’’ Kimora asked, ignoring the fact that Violet was complaining, sighing.

‘’No, all I know is that they accepted to take care of me for free.’’ She sighed. ‘’Shit, this crap is worse than I thought.’’

‘’That’s pretty dumb,’’ Valentina said. ‘’It will be so cool, I’m so excited, Farrah!’’

‘’It will be nothing because we aren’t doing it, I’m sorry, Felicia, or whatever your name is, we’re going to the club. If you’re a kid who needs a babysitter and can’t go with us, you can choke!’’ Violet barked.

Dammit, Farrah felt her eyes get full of tears. She was a very sensible person, and that really hurt her feelings; nobody here really cared about her, she was clinging to crumbs, just to feel some safety in her life.

‘’Vi, listen, imagine how pathetic that fucker would be? Imagine how pathetic we would leave them? You like this, don’t you? We can go later, please…’’ Valentina said, persuasive as always, touching Violet’s shoulders softly and preventing her from leaving.

Something in Violet’s look just changed, maybe the value she had for Valentina, or the feeling of making people miserable: probably both.

‘’Fine, I’ll go upstairs! Follow me, you fucking cunts,’’ Violet announced.

They followed her, and when they got upstairs, Blair appeared, smiling and looking at them. ‘’Oh! Y’all are drinking and partying? Just like us! I’m Blair, by the way!’’

‘’She’s a cutie!’’ Valentina exclaimed, this time not that fake. “Could she be ever cutie-er?’’

‘’Thank you, your makeup is flawless by the way, I have a friend who has the perfect makeup too - her name’s Aquaria, she’s here!’’ Blair exclaimed with pure joy. Farrah didn’t know if her sister had drunk a lot, but even if she hadn’t, Blair always had this natural joy that made her even cuter.

‘’Oh, I’m sorry, but it isn’t better than mine!’’ Valentina said, blinking.

‘’Miss Aquafina, show your face!’’ Blair screamed.

_No answer._

‘’Miss Aquaria?’’ she screamed again. ‘’Aqua?’’ she asked worriedly. ‘’Well, I’m gonna check her, nice to meet you, Farrah’s friends, you are cool, and I love you!’’

She disappeared as fast as a light beam.

‘’What a cutie!’’ Valentina smiled. ‘’But I can’t believe she thinks somebody has makeup better than mine!’’

‘’Uh, children’’ Violet added. ‘’I would say that Fame has better makeup, but I don’t wanna see you throw a tantrum!’’

‘’Oh wow, fine, go with Fame then!’’ Valentina crossed her arms.

‘’You know I love you, don’t you?’’

‘’You two look more childish than Farrah’s sister’’ Kimora mocked, coming into Farrah’s room. They all did the same, sitting on the pink princess bed.

Valentina had the idea of turning on some music she didn’t know. Most of time she tried to look cool, but she always looked like the fool she was.

Trying to ignore how Valentina was fake in each word she said, or how Violet was acid, or how Kimora just didn’t care about their friendship sometimes, she realised she had more fun in that little time with Blair and her friends than with them. She was surprised by that; she thought her social life was over, but well, it wasn’t. Wanting or not, she thought that was the only thing she would ever have.

So, they opened the bottles and started to drink, and to Farrah’s surprise, Valentina was the one who drank the most - Valentina, the Miss Congeniality, but well, if Valentina could get drunk like that, maybe she could too.

She had regrets, because as soon as she drank the first sip of vodka, it came down burning her throat, and actually she wanted to cry. It was hard to swallow, and she could feel her stomach collapse.

That wasn’t the first time Farrah had drank. There had been two incidents: one with Kimora at a party she wasn’t invited to - but came because her lonely ass forced her, and other trying to prove to Violet and Valentina that she could be cool enough to hang out with them.

Anyways, Farrah drank a lot too, regretting it every second, and almost puking while she finished her last bottle.

‘’Little Farrah can’t drink, what a child!’’ Violet jeered, already drunk. ‘’You need more than a babysitter, you need a daycare!’’

All of them laughed; Farrah was too drunk to care.

The doorbell sound invaded Farrah’s ears again. This time it had to be the babysitter, a deep intuition made her get up off the bed first, then everyone else, and run for the door. When she was there, breathless, she saw…

_Aja Rivera._

They were one of the people her ‘’friends’’ used to gossip a lot about, saying really awful things, and she had just heard the name and saw Aja once or twice at school - and she knew they used to sit very close to each other in biology. She couldn’t believe they were here, being Farrah’s fucking babysitter.

Of course, Farrah was on the fucking floor looking at Aja, because they looked so damn cool with their basketball t-shirt, cool bomber jacket and fishnets, and that cap covering a part of their bright brown hair - they looked the definition of swag.

But why was Farrah looking at this? She was supposed to hate them! For so many reasons, including the almost-death of what Farrah called her social life, and the fact that her ‘’friends’’ hated them - then Farrah had to do it too, right?

They just stared at her, looking confused, maybe embarrassed from the way Farrah was looking at them. Maybe the cold wind blowing outside had invaded the house and made Farrah have chills, or maybe it was this crappy situation. Or the fact that she was drunk.

‘’Oh, hey, you’re that girl who sits with me in biology, right?’’ They smirked, trying to look polite, but of course, they felt Farrah’s awkwardness with the situation. ‘’Farrah, right?’’

“Y-yes’’ She gasped for air, sounding drunker than she’d expected to.

‘’I know this is weird, but believe me, Farrah, we can be friends without that crap. I choked when your mom called me,’’ they said sighing. Farrah could see that they were uncomfortable with the situation too.

‘’O-okay, can you check Blair and her friends? They drank a little bit, I know, don’t tell mom, please, I can count on you as a friend, right?’’ Farrah guessed, slurring her words.

‘’Guess you’re drunk, too,’’ they laughed. ‘’Don’t worry: I know it’s my function but, screw it, just be careful.’’ They pondered for a moment. ‘’I’ll check them!’’

They ran in upstairs and Farrah felt relieved; they sounded cool, shit, they weren’t going to tell her mom that she and Blair were drinking. They could be a friend. Looking at that, it wasn’t the end of the world.

She would be friends with them, like, real friends with a person who didn’t make her sad all the time. Farrah felt joy, but that was over when she remembered what was going to happen.

_Fuck._

She ran fast as she could, trying to not trip on the stairs, considering that she was very drunk, opened the door to her room, and she listened to a laugh, for her relief that Aja wasn’t there yet.

‘’Farrah, you useless bitch, you took a lot of time. But, ugh, we saw your babysitter!’’ Violet chuckled.

‘’You don’t know what we found out about them,. It’s fucking Aja, that loser, we will have so much fun, I promise!’’ Valentina smiled, drinking a sip of her vodka.

She felt all her body freezing; fuck.

Suddenly, the door was open, and Aja smiled as they came in the room: ‘’Ayo, sis!’’ They smiled.

The next thing that happened made Farrah eyes full of tears, her friend’s words to them, bad words that Farrah’s mind couldn’t even process. She saw them being awful with people a lot - including with Farrah herself - but that, that was painful, she could feel the pain that was in Aja’s eyes.

Their laughs; Farrah wanted to cry. She was too emotional and drunk for this situation, her drunk brain just made everything spin and their voices get louder and louder while the world was a mess. She only could see Aja’s face: disappointed, sad, broken.

She couldn’t take it. Aja was looking at her, their sad gaze penetrating her. They trusted her even though they didn’t even know each other.

‘’…You didn’t agree, Farrah?’’ Valentina leered, and Farrah was taken aback by her sad and drunk trance.

‘’W-what?’’ she said, more as a whisper.

‘’You heard her, you whiny bitch, do you agree with us?’’ Violet growled with her gaze on Farrah.

She was so scared, fuck, she could only nod with fear running in her veins. She wasn’t conscious of what she was doing, but conscience came one second later, and she could feel what was happening to make her mind a mess.

‘’See? Even Farrah agrees you’re pure trash, now get out of here!’’ Kimora mocked, laughing while Aja hit the door on the wall.

She could feel her ‘’friends’’ laughing, but Farrah could only feel broken inside. In one quick move, she left the room without any explications, without any purpose, she was just feeling like she was suffocating.

How could that be if nothing had happened? If she left them to go to the club and waited for Aja, she would play board games with them, Blair, and her friends, and she would eat cookies and maybe drink a little bit with Aja’s consent. They would dance to bad pop songs and laugh about how funny they were.

She would, for a night, have real friends, and real fun. She would feel alive, but now she was feeling dead, ridiculously dead inside. They would smile, they would laugh, instead of the disappearing need of crying she was feeling right now.

Running desperately for help, she found Blair with her head on her knees, crying in the corridor, and she came to help her sister while tears started to drop out of her eyes too.

‘’I heard what Valentina, Violet, and Kimora said to Aja…’’ she said, sniffing angrily. ‘’I can’t believe you agreed, I’m ashamed of being your sister.”

She tried to explain herself, but Blair keep talking.

‘’They were homophobic to Aja, and you didn’t do anything. Aja is a good and pure person, they are the coolest person I’ve ever met. I can’t believe you.’’ She was practically spitting words on Farrah’s face. ‘’Mom always teaches us to love and respect people, Farrah… You aren’t the same anymore.’’

Blair got up, she didn’t want even to look at Farrah’s face, but she kept talking. ‘’Oh, just so you know, I don’t want you and your homophobic friends getting closer to me and my friends, never, just pretend I don’t exist.’’

‘’B-Blair…’’ She tried to say something, knowing she couldn’t, at that point Farrah’s face was covered by tears and more tears.

‘’Just so you know, Aqua and Brianna are dating, I’m in love with Yuhua and I think I’m bi, oh, did you know they listened to that? I fucking hate you.’’ She ran to her room in tears and disappeared.

Farrah never felt more dead inside in her entire life; now it was her turn to be with her head on her knees, and the tears started to run down her face violently.


	2. It's in my genes to fuck up things, and then pretend nothings wrong with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farrah is devastated because of last night's stuff, so she decides to live on auto-pilot. But she can't get them out of her head, so her life gets even messier.

Farrah was about to commit homicide. Her head was aching, her body felt like it was going to fall apart, and overall she felt more dead than alive. Plus, Violet and Valentina were arguing about how they shouldn’t let her sit with them.

All that drama because she was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with, ‘’sloppy, messy hair, and no makeup’’. But, they still agreed that at least it was pink, and pink was trendy.

‘’This bitch has eyebags! She didn’t even care about putting some basic foundation on her face. Kimora, control your little ugly chihuahua.’’

‘’True. But at least she is wearing pink, it’s her color. Don’t worry _perrita_ , we will let it pass.’’ Valentina smiled in her usual sweet and fake way, knowing she called Farrah ‘’little dog’’ as if it was something nice.

Now she was one step closer to committing homicide. They were all sitting at their lunch table. Only Farrah was eating something, because they hadn’t touched their food at all - they were looking at social media. Everything made Farrah's head hurt. The beeps of their phones, the students talking loudly, the noise of the trays getting dragged around... Her head was going to explode.

 _‘'What if my brain explodes? The blood and all the disgusting stuff can mess up their stupid fancy outfits that they brag all day about,”_ she thought, looking at her pink, sparkling sneakers and moving her feet. _‘’Wow, hungover me is awful. But I’m too tired to care.’’_

She stabbed at her french fries with her fork angrily, still thinking about stuff of that nature. They looked at her, scared, and she made that face that cute animals do when they are mad. Farrah was in a kind of foul mood that day. Because of the hangover of course, but also because of what happened the previous night. Now, she was taking everything out on the poor french fries. Even if they did nothing to her and were feeding her in that horrible state of mind and spirit.

You could find a lot of tables at the cafeteria, with a lot of social groups sitting at them. The cafeteria was a place where the most diverse kind of people sat with their friends. Or, people they thought were their friends. Even complete strangers they sat with so they weren’t completely alone. Of course, they had the stereotypical kind of group like Violet, Valentina, and Kimora. But, they also had groups of normal people, sitting there and enjoying their final years of high school.

But lots people meant lots of noise. And since she was dying from a hangover, she wanted them all to choke on their food and die. She was feeling tired of people, because the only person she wanted to see at that moment wasn’t there. Farrah watched every single person in that room, and she didn’t see Aja anywhere. The guilt started to come up her throat, like she was going to puke - but she couldn’t puke and had to live with that.

Farrah felt she was a horrible person. All her life, her mother had taught her to respect other people. And even if she didn’t say anything, she identified with the surplus of slurs her friends threw at others. She felt the pain in their eyes, she felt that they got broken inside. Nobody should feel like that; Farrah would be so done if that was happening with her. Everything about her was a mess today, inside with her feelings, and outside with how she looked.

She tried to focus on eating the smashed french fries. They looked so unappealing at that moment that she abandoned the idea. Her stomach made a loud noise, which scared the other people at the table. Farrah didn’t even had breakfast. She was trying to avoid Blair , since she also disappointed her and made her, her own little sister, feel like shit. Since she was drowning in her own guilt, staying for minutes with her at the same table would be even worse for her.

Farrah felt like she was dying. But, she decided to wait until she got home so she could eat anything she wanted to. She sighed, wondering if she could buy a new plate of fries, or even pizza. But the bell for her next class rang, lunch ending with all her hopes.

All the students started to get up, which made even more noise. Her friends grumbled. They got up somehow, walking to their respective classes. The way they gossiped about things that were trending on social media kinda annoyed her. Farrah ignored it and focused on the floor with a sad expression. Overthinking everything again and again.

‘’Hey, bitch, are you okay?’’ Kimora asked while they walked. ‘’You looked so down at lunch... And now you look even worse… Oh my god, did you eat something today?’’

Farrah thought about throwing all her frustration on Kimora. To say she and her friends didn’t give a shit about her. And, that all their life, she had cared more about them, when they never asked if she was okay at several times she wasn’t. She wasn’t her friend as she should’ve been sometimes, and Farrah even called her ‘’best friend’’. They grew up together, they _were_ best friends! Then everything changed, and so did Kimora.

It wasn’t Kimora’s fault at all. She was always distant from everything, but she also offended Aja and said those awful things. So yes, Farrah was mad at her, and wanted to throw it all on her. But she knew that deep inside, Kimora cared about her, and that was why she was asking her things like this.

‘’No, I’m fine! Nothing to worry, I’m gonna go to stupid biology and this is killing me.'’

‘’She’s right, K, biology is stupid. And she has that bitch in her class! Oh shit, I don’t know how they never tried to to convince you about joining their team.’’

Farrah had no idea what she was talking about. She tilted her head with a doubt expression on her sleepy, hungover face.

‘’Farrah is too good for that dyke shit.’’

Her look went from confused to guilty. When she heard that word - the same word she heard getting directed at Aja last night in her room - her body started shaking. She gulped, and she didn’t even know why she was so scared.

‘’Yes, but remember she’s never even kissed a boy?’’ Valentina addressed.

Violet nodded, and they stopped in the middle of the hallaway. Farrah otherwise listened to all that stuff, but tried to not pay attention to it. Unfortunately she did, and she wondered if they had any idea of how their words could hurt.

She didn’t feel comfortable with her friends being homophobic. She felt like she was dying inside after each word. It was possible that she only realized how awful they were now. Then, the guilt consumed her when she remembered last night, when she agreed with them.

Then, all the memories and bad feelings were back again. She felt the demons of her feelings getting into her mind. She was one step closer to crying, but Kimora’s excited voice prevented it:

‘’She will, Farrah is just too shy! I’ve known her since childhood, we grew up together! And she had a crush on Matthew S. in 7th grade.'’

''Which Matthew S.? The thirteen year old, weed little bitch, or Matthew S., the weird dude who was crazy for chihuahuas?''

''Chihuahua-crazy dude.'' Kimora laughed. ''It makes sense, Farrah _is_ a chihuahua.''

Matthew S. never was her crush. Farrah actually never had a crush on anyone, and she was cool with it. Matthew was actually one of her friends, and they both liked chihuahuas. Unfortunately, Kimora thought Farrah liked him because of the time they spent together. She thought that was very annoying, but never said a word, because she idolized Kimora back then.

‘’Whatever, she’s pretty enough to appear in these hallways with us! At the next party we will set her up with one of the nicest dudes from this school! No chihuahuas freaks, and no weird, stoned dudes,’’ Valentina announced. ‘’It’s okay, Farrah.’’

Farrah gulped again, but smiled in a very false way; she was annoyed about them making her their puppet. Something about kissing a random dude made her want to throw up the non-existent food on her stomach. She thought kissing was weird and gross, she would’ve never imagine herself doing it in that way.

They kept walking, and she parted to her class. It was like somebody stabbed her when she came in and didn’t saw Aja there.

Their figure started to appear in her head now. She was reminded of arriving at that same room and seeing them doodling on their table. That classic cap and that pretty and wavy brown hair on their shoulders now got finally noticed by her. She was reminded of the baseball shirts, and ripped jeans. Of the mint bubblegum they always used to chew - even if it was not allowed, their rebel spirit never cared.

The point was that she never even noticed them there, and now a lot of memories started to come to her mind. Things she never would’ve remembered otherwise. But, all of a sudden her brain started to remember and investigate each one of them.

Aja was sitting there chewing their pencil, trying to solve their biology test on a hot day. All the students were sweaty and nervous, but they somehow looked chill. Except for the pencil thing, the way they bit it was constant and like a coping mechanism for the stress. Farrah instead was drawing flowers on her table, since all the questions were so difficult.

Weeks later, they were chewing their classic mint bubblegum. Their teacher asked for them to threw it out, and they didn’t. They were asked again, and they pretended to throw it out, but ended up hiding it under their tongue. Farrah remembered that when they left class, they blew a bubble right in front of him and left with a winner’s smile.

Sometimes she got to smell their hair, when they walked very close to her. It smelled like fresh flowers, daisies, or something. Aja had a lot of scents: their daisy shampoo; their mint bubblegum; and somehow their perfume smelled like the beach. All the other memories and smells started to pass through her head like a movie, as she stared at the empty desk close to her.

As usual, the teacher asked her to pay attention to class. And when she turned back, she realized Aja’s friend was staring at her. Her name was Sharon or something, she was one of their closest friends and dated a sophomore named Alaska. Sharon looked like she could cut a bitch with her ice blue eyes, and the impression Farrah had was that she wanted to kill her.

She couldn’t concentrate with the feeling of being watched, it was very difficult. So she doodled flowers on the table as usual. But Sharon kept her eyes on her, as she knew what happened with Aja - and she should’ve. Farrah felt guilty again, and she understood Sharon - even she wanted to beat herself up.

Alaska and Sharon were definitely cute together. She saw them together a few times kissing in the hallways. Her friends always mocked them with bad words when they did it, and other people too. Blair and Yuhua would be a good pairing, Cracker and Aquaria were pretty adorable... Farrah felt good knowing all those couples existed and were there fighting for it. Somehow something inside her was happier. And she felt so sad for agreeing with everybody who said they were bad.

Farrah wanted to fight, she wanted to throw a drink on Violet’s expensive black, fluffy coat. She wanted to mock Valentina until all her fake kindness went away. She wanted to make Kimora sorry for abandoning her to live a fake life. But Farrah was stuck in invisible handcuffs, stuck in a fake life she locked herself in. She only could do the things they told her to do: smile, and be pretty enough to walk with them.

And of course, try to focus and take notes from class. She put her brain on autopilot, and finally could concentrate on biology stuff. Sharon’s eyes were still there, but she tried her best to not let that bother her.

Finally, the bell rang and she was free. She organized all her stuff, hoping Sharon left because she was more scared of her than she thought. And she didn’t. Farrah pretended to tie her hair in a sloppy ponytail, and then walked to the door.

Sharon walked too but faster, and arrived at the door first. Farrah never knew how to be intimidating, so she used her puppy dog eyes, but that didn’t work. They stood in front of each other for a long time, as Farrah wanted to read her eyes, and they said something like, ‘’you’re a monster, you don’t deserve to live,’’ and Sharon could’ve been reading hers too.

She intimidated her, she was very scared now. But she only gulped and tried to say something, but all she got was: ‘’C-can I-I p…’’

‘’Can you what?!’’

‘’P-pass! Can I pass?’’ She finally could speak. ‘’You’re blocking the door…’’

‘’Oh, so me blocking the door is a problem for you now?’’ She raised one eyebrow. ‘’I’m waiting for my girlfriend. Oh, you have a problem with it, don't you?’’

Farrah lost the count of how many times she had gulped that day.

‘’N-no, I-I…’’

In that second, Alaska walked in. She was the same age as Farrah, except Farrah was from junior year and she was a sophomore. Farrah had to admit she was gorgeous. Wearing a plaid pink skirt and a pink sweater, with her hair well tied in a gorgeous ponytail. She could’ve been one of the people her friends would ask to join their clique. But it was obvious they were against gay people joining their little exclusive group, and just LGBT people in general.

‘’Baby! Here you are.’’

‘’Yes, I was having a trouble with… this.’’ Sharon pointed to Farrah.

Alaska bit her lip, looking uncomfortable by Farrah’s presence, as she knew who she was. ‘’Huh? Is she bothering you?’’

‘’No, doll, it’s okay! I only want her to leave… Go away, you little dog.’’

Immediately, she left without thinking twice. She could hear Sharon barking something and Alaska calming her down. She looked and felt rough, and Kimora realized that when they bumped into each other in the hallway full of students: some listening to music; some talking; some making out; and some like Farrah - dying.

‘’Bitch, you look pale, what happened?!’’

‘’Nothing, I-’’

She got interrupted by Violet, always appearing at the right time to make a scene.

‘’That goth dyke and her ugly-legs girlfriend, they were talking to our Farrah!’’

A part of her liked to be recognized as their friend, or of the fact Violet recognized her as part of their group. She was like her protective older sister. But part of her felt pretty sick with all the homophobia.  
  
Valentina ran and bumped into two students making out. She turned to curse them out in Spanish and hurry up to get to her friends. ‘’I know, what the fuck? She’s mad because of her little dyke friend.’’

Farrah would’ve at least liked them to use that word less, or not at all.

‘’Guys, I’m fine,’’ Farrah sighed, preventing them to start saying bad words more. ‘’Why don’t we don’t focus on another thing?’’

‘’Quiet, you’re not in charge here!’’ Violet looked her dead in the eyes. ‘’But yes, we are actually planning something.’’

‘’We are running away from school!’’

‘’Kimora!’’ Valentina complained. ‘’I prefer the term ‘escaping for emergency shopping', please.’’

‘’Okay, you’re right, Val! But let’s go shopping and then go to a bar to get wasted, Farrah!’’

‘’Unless she’s a pussy…’’

‘’Violet!’’ both Kimora and Valentina yelled.

She was staring at the floor, she didn’t know what to answer. Since her day had been chaotic, and she was still kinda working on autopilot, she mumbled a, ‘’Yes’’. Kimora got very cocky talking about how she’s not a pussy and was as brave as Indiana Jones, like a proud mom.

‘’I wanna see if she will not be a pussy about kissing a boy too! I have everything planned,’’ Valentina hummed. ‘’But nobody is a pussy about kissing... We are being easy with you, Farrah.’’

After that, they had to plan the escape. It was easy; the school had an art room that hadn’t been used in ages. The janitor left it open for a little bit before the last class, for some fresh air to come in and the room not to get mouldy. The art room had a big window, which they would use for running away without fail.

An art room would be well used for so many students there. For one moment Farrah got distracted staring at the dusty floor thinking about that. But, Aja came on her mind when she saw a cap thrown to the ground, a black cap that looked like Aja’s. _‘’What is this doing here?’’_ she wondered, grabbing the cap and rubbing her fingers along the seam.

The cap also smelled like them. On the floor, she also found some cigarette butts in a very specific spot. The whole room didn’t smelled like fresh furniture and art.. but like cigarettes, alcohol, and weed.

‘’It looks like we’re at a college party.’’ Valentina was trying to open the window. ‘’I bet the stoned teachers come here to party. Or the drug addicts.’’

‘’It’s kinda cool.’’

‘’Yes, Kimora is right for once in her life,’’ Violet laughed, sitting on one of the chairs available in the room. She propped her modelesque legs on the table, wearing new, expensive Louboutins. Like she could grab one from her feet and cut a bitch. ‘’Are we going to run away or discuss who is a drug addict in this damn school?’’

‘’You need to calm down, babe.’’ Valentina finally opened it, and put her hand on Violet’s shoulders. It looked like she got scared while saying the pet name, like saying it was as lethal and mortal as poison. ‘’Let’s go?’’

They didn’t even realize Farrah grabbed that cap, and put it in her purse. They got out of the building one by one, closing the window when they left. It was not hard to do, because the art room was on the first floor, at the back of the building. So, all they had to do was to run to escape from the area the school was in.

Running two blocks was terrifying for Farrah, since her hangover and sluggishness were making that difficult. While she was running faster and faster and the world was moving like a carousel, her head was even more fast. She didn’t have control of her body, and she felt like she was going to faint.

Of course she felt like that. She’d eaten nothing, and was running fast, with a hangover bothering her every second. She had to keep running, albeit with a lot of difficulty - she promised herself she would never do this again.

She was not the sportiest girl; Farrah had always preferred to be at home than exercising. She could count on one hand the times she had run like this during the year. That was why she was at a disadvantage, even if the other girls wore high heels, but they could run better than her. They would make fun of her because of it, saying she’s not in shape and mocking her more and more.

Now, she felt free, even if she was with those three girls that several times had made her feel useless and weak. Something about running away with them brought her an old feeling, the feeling of being part of a group. And, for a tiny little moment, she felt like she belonged there when they were all laughing together, the four of them tired, and enjoying the achievement they made together.

The sun was shining bright outside, with birds signing, a great day, in theory. For a minute, she forgot everything they’d done, everything they’d said... She was ready for backing into her old life - which she decided she never would leave again.

‘’Girl, you look nasty,’’ Kimora commented. ‘’Let’s go shopping already, we can get something nice for you.’’ She smiled. It had been such a long time since Kimora smiled that way for her, honest and friendly.

Valentina appeared to agree, because she did a positive sign with both her thumbs. Violet otherwise, was looking for something on her phone, completely distracted. They now had an issue about how to arrive at the mall. Everybody decided to call an Uber, and both Kimora and Valentina fought to go in the passenger seat. Farrah liked it, realizing that sometimes the people who she hung out with were actually human.

The driver didn’t even ask where they were going, or why they were out of school. Farrah couldn’t stop looking at her green eyes, in a trance. Not only her eyes, but her skin was perfect like in the movies, and she looked like a Hollywood actress. When she offered water to her, she almost gasped because the girl smiled to her. She didn’t even know her name - somehow she was afraid to ask - but the image of that girl didn’t leave her mind the whole day.

Kimora was full of energy, happy because she got to sit in the passenger seat. Meanwhile, Valentina and Violet rested on the backseat with Farrah. The caramel-haired girl had her head on Violet’s shoulder, and she looked peaceful - ethereal. Farrah felt like she was finally getting to see a real side of her ‘’friends’’, or starting to realize it.

Near the mall was a skate lane. Farrah felt guilty for not saying goodbye to the driver, but when she heard a loud, well-known voice saying the word, ‘’sis,’’ her world stopped. Looking there, they were not the only ones who ran away. Sharon and Alaska were making out while a lot of cool teens skateboarded and chatted there. One of those teens was nobody but Aja.

They were majestic in their movements, making Farrah be in the same trance she got into in the car. The perfect bright brown hair moving in the wind, their body moving with the help of the skateboard, looking as if at any moment, they could burst into the sun in the same majestic way they were skateboarding.

She was in the same trance she got into in the Uber. But, this time, she felt Violet’s hand on her shoulder - a rare event.

‘’What are you looking at? We need to go!’’

Farrah went completely quiet for five seconds; she stared towards the horizon with her mouth half open. She did that kind of stuff sometimes, when her brain was trying to think logically. She didn’t have a proper excuse. A part of her knew she needed to go with them, but the stubborn part of her wanted to talk to Aja so much - she didn’t even know why.

The stubborn part won.

‘’I… I need to call Blair to tell her to cover for me’’

Violet looked at her distrustfully, Valentina looked supportive, and Kimora, very confused.

‘’I thought you and your sister fought,’’ Kimora addressed, puzzled.

‘’She owes me this one, since I’ve covered for her and her friends a lot of times,’’ she lied. Farrah didn’t know she was that good at lying, because Violet looked slightly convinced.

‘’Okay, so we are all going to the mall now. We’ll meet you in the food court in like fifteen?’’ Valentina asked in her usual, animated tone.

''Yes, and we can look up that thing we both wanted, Val! Remember?'' Violet said, looking very suspicious, hiding something for sure.

‘’You guys and your little secrets, it’s bizarre.’’

‘’Shut up, Kimora!’’

After some minutes, they were gone. Nobody noticed Farrah there, so she walked in Aja’s direction. Every step got harder, and the memories of that night kept coming to her mind as she was getting closer. Sharon spotted her - she had a worried look on her face. Not the strong look she always used to have. Alaska held her girlfriend’s arm like she was going to die.

Aja was the last one who realized Farrah’s presence. Everybody was looking at them now, and they even stopped skating. Their perfect, full lips were open and their blue eyes staring at her like they were staring at the infinity. Trying to understand the universe’s complexity, or Farrah’s mess.

Sharon clenched her fists, staring at Farrah, looking scary like she was in biology earlier. Aja remained speechless. Farrah stared at their eyes, trying to understand what was going on in their mind. She shoved her hands on the pockets of her hoodie and looked away, trying to figure out the words she was going to say.

‘’A-Aja, hi… I-I’m sorry, I was drunk. I’m not... You’re great, I don’t mind you being…’’ Talking was a struggle for Farrah now. ‘’Like not that, I'm… I’m sorry.’’

‘’Farrah… go home,’’ they sighed. Hearing their voice for the first time since the incident was like a big relief. But those words hurt a lot. ''Get your fucking shit together and go home. I don’t wanna talk to you, we don’t have anything to talk about. I’ve heard worse things, so you and your bitchy friends are meaningless to me,’’ they barked, looking away. ‘’You didn’t hurt my feelings with your words, because you’re all only a bunch of nothing.’’

The tears filled her eyes; she wanted to cry right there, in front of all the cool skaters who could mock her. She knew that was a dumb choice, she knew she should’ve gone with the girls to the mall… Now she knew she should go home.

‘’But, Aja…’’

‘’If you try to talk to them one more time, I swear I’ll take off your head that thing you call hair!’’ Sharon yelled.

Farrah felt real fear; she was ready to go. Her steps were quick, as she was almost running, but, in her mind, she was really running - running from life. She heard somebody saying, ‘’girlfriend problems?’’ to them. She was sure they replied with something like, ‘’no, it's only a girl I babysit.’’ Or even, ‘’she and her friends were assholes to me,'' too.

The tears started to run while she walked, going to the mall. She needed to clean up all those tears, but she didn’t care. Her face was a mess, but Farrah cried all the time - and it was not like any of her friends would care about why she was crying. When she had a text from her mom warning her Aja would babysit them that night, her brain broke. When that happened, she got some hope after all, and reasons to stop crying.

Faking not getting excited for that was a struggle, so - with a lot of effort - she replied with, ‘’okay’’. She needed to make up something. Farrah imagined everything: she would talk to them, without gagging, being coherent. She would apologize, tell them she doesn’t think like that, and that they were valid. At the end they, she, and Blair would end up eating mac and cheese watching something on Netflix - that sounded like home.

Valentina saying, ''Let's get something for you to eat, you didn't eat your fries! Somebody told me you didn't have breakfast today, fill that stomach, girl,'' was a relief for her soul. Simple words, but that was one of the moments she felt somebody cared about her - even if it was fake.

The shopping with Violet, Valentina, and Kimora was more fun than she expected. But at some point, she still felt very broken inside, as the words, _‘’go home, Farrah,’’_ were knives stabbing her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so thank u so much for reading it <3\. I'm really positive about this chapter, it's the longest thing I write in ages jdkfhfjkhgkj. None of this would be possible without the amazing @ artificialmillie, they edited the previous chapter and this one, and I'm so grateful for them, go send them love!!!!!!!  
> My tumblr is @ aquariasbaby if you wanna talk about the fic, leave comments and critiques, or even chat about random stuff! Thanks for reading it x <3

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo, this was already posted on AQ. But I wrote the second chapter, and decided to post both of them here fkjhshjgkjgjgfk. Hope you liked it xo <3


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